And still: I remained hale and healthy. And smug.
I attributed this to my "nasal irrigation system" that I bought at Costco. It scared me to death, and sat unused for months before I finally wrestled up the courage to actually try the thing. I was convinced I was going to drown myself. I didn't, and eventually: I even came to enjoy it in a weird way, because I felt better when I got all that...yuck out.
Well, this week, my system let me down. I have been the producer of mass quantities of mucus, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, whining, complaining, crabbing, cough drop breath, bed head, body odor, wadded kleenexes, and various and sundry other relics of illness. I would wake up, feeling pretty good, take a shower, and need to sleep for three hours to recover. As if all that wasn't enough: this morning I starting cramping! Yay! Premenstrual syndrome AND mucuspalooza! (For those of you who are wondering: no, I really have no qualms admitting to the fact that I have cramps. I have two children. It should be patently obvious that I menstruate, and shouldn't shock anyone. Yes, I am a pastor. No, the kids were not immaculately conceived. I'm pretty sure one of the conceptions involved tequila. But I digress...)
But for all my crabbing, and feeling guilty over missing so much this week (Confirmation, Lenten midweek soup supper and worship, committee meetings, Sharefest, etc.) what I've really been praying for is that I feel good enough to pull off Sunday morning worship. Even if I go home and collapse afterward, Lord Jesus, PLEASE: just get me through Sunday. Because I think that (by and large) congregations are understanding of a pastor who gets sick, and appreciate said pastor not sharing the yuckiness with them. But I have a hard time seeing them being understanding of a pastor missing Sunday worship. So my prayer all this week has been, "I will bear the guilt for missing all the other stuff, Lord, but please, if you love me, make me fit for Sunday."
Jesus loves me, this I know, because I started perking up about an hour ago. I'm still snotty, but I'm not hurting in conjunction with the snot, so it's an improvement. Certainly the roughly 72-hours I've spent unconscious since Wednesday morning haven't hurt, either. I haven't looked yet, but I wouldn't be surprised to find bedsores or a pillow permanently attached to my head.
And since the sum total of my sermon prep for the week has been the Tuesday Morning Blue Hair Biblestudy (and I use the term "Blue Hair" with a great amount of esteem and affection--I adore those ladies), I decided that I ought to dig in and do some sermon prep tonight. I was stopped cold by the Epistle:
Romans 5:1-11
1 Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God. 3 And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. 6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Indeed, rarely will anyone die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die. 8 But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us. 9 Much more surely then, now that we have been justified by his blood, will we be saved through him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more surely, having been reconciled, will we be saved by his life. 11 But more than that, we even boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. This was the scripture I turned to in attempting to find a title for this blog. But as I read through it, I thought, "Sweet Fancy Moses! What on earth can I say that will improve upon this?! This is glorious! This is heaven! This is the pure goodness of God, filling my soul the way the flavor of a sun-warm peach fills my mouth! What on earth can I offer that elaborates on this?!" It's one of those pieces of scripture that causes me to seriously doubt my abilities as a preacher. It is perfection, and any further "explanation" on my part, or exegesis would only ruin it. I want to let those words sing out to my beloved congregation, I want to let them sit with them, and let those words of love and promise sink into the marrow of their bones, and give them strength to face the week ahead. There is nothing I can add. I can only detract. And so I will offer the sweet sheep God has entrusted to my care the best that I can, by leaving well enough alone.
Sometimes I think Jesus works best when the pastor gets out of the way.
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